giving thanks #2

Story #1--I am one of the young women leaders in my ward. Tonight we had Young Women in Excellence. In case you don't know, it's a time for the young women to show off some of the talents they've gained while working on their goals in Personal Progress. (check out LDS.org if you're still lost) Anyway, I was listening to all the talents the girls decided to share: singing, playing guitar, playing piano, writing songs, writing poems, baking cookies, painting, photography, public speaking--it was pretty impressive. Some were just starting out, and had simplistic and basic displays for their talents. Others had been working for years on their talents, and they were pretty advanced.

Story #2--Bogey is learning to do a hand stand. He came up to me today and shouted, "mom! Watch this!" then he ran over to the wall and started trying to flip onto his head and lean against the wall. The only problem was, he couldn't get his feet up. They kept falling back down to the ground. Every time he fell, he said, "Oh, wait, that's not it." Finally, when he kicked his feet up into the air, I caught them and put them up against the wall. "Like this?" I asked. "yeah!" he shouted triumphantly from the floor, "I told you I could do it!"

Story #3--my mom came to visit last week. She is an amazing person. My mom had cancer last year and had a surgery to remove the tumor, half her sinus cavity, and her eye. Her face is deformed now, but when I see her, I don't see that. I see an amazing person. (if you want to catch a glimpse of the amazing person she is, read the quote at the top of this page: she's the one that wrote it.) While she was here, we were visiting in the bathroom while I trimmed her hair. One of the hairs fell on the counter, and when mom went to pick it up, her depth perception went askew and she missed it with her finger. We laughed about it, as I helped her put her finger on the hair and guide it to the garbage. For a few minutes after that, we stood in silence while I finished trimming. "Mom," I asked her, "how do you not feel sorry for yourself all the time? After what you've been through no one would blame you for it." She shrugged. I said, "I would be throwing a pity party for myself all the time." She shrugged again and said, "It gets old. No one comes to those parties. I'd rather be where the fun is."

These three stories have combined in my mind today. I am grateful for my body. I'm grateful for my mind, for all the things I'm capable of doing. I'm grateful that I can think and develop talents and try new things. I'm grateful that I can figure out problems. I'm grateful that I can exercise and laugh and cry and feel a million other things. Of course there are times that I look at myself with disgust. My belly is flabby, my nose is too big, I'm too short, blah, blah, blah--it's so easy to fall into that trap of "never good enough." I know because I fall into it A LOT.

But today I'm grateful to have a body that allows me to be and do and experience life is so many ways.

giving thanks#1

I'm typing away on the computer in the dark because Iggy is asleep next to me (and so is The Hubby). I should be sleeping--the next feeding is in 4 short hours, but I feel the urge to write, so here I sit.
I love this time of year--when the produce is ripe for the canning, and the leaves are the color of fire, the air is crisp, and I start thinking about how blessed I am.
My blog was made for this time of year.
I love this time of year. Thanksgiving runs a very close second on my list of favorite holidays (Christmas, of course, is the favorite). A VERY close second. Whoever decided that we needed a holiday to remember how blessed we are is a genius.
It's so easy for me to complain. To focus only on the things that aren't going right. That's a habit I intend to break starting right now.
I gave Iggy a bath tonight. The others were all in bed. I was reminded recently to enjoy these little night time experiences with the baby because it's really the only time I have to enjoy him. He looked so cute and little kicking and splashing in the water. Every once in a while his head went down close enough to the water that he could lap at the water with his tongue like a dog. After he was clean, we sat by the heater and I put lotion on him. He was feeling warm and happy and he started cooing and smiling at me. I love how his hair is all fuzzy when it dries. I love putting lotion on his little grapey toes. I love that he stares at me until I notice and he breaks into a huge smile, just for me.
One thing you need to know about me is that I LOVE being a mother. Sure, kids are challenging. Sure, there are times that I get frustrated and yell, but at the end of the day, I'm always glad for them. I'm always glad that I'm a mother. I would be incomplete without them.

I am so grateful for the chance to be a mother.

There, there, little blog, don't you cry...

you'll get back on my priority list, by and by!

each morning, as I watch myself in the mirror brushing my teeth, and think about what I need to do today, I always think, "today's the day. Today I'm going to blog." and at that time in the optimistic dawn light, it seems totally doable.
But then my day starts:
Feed Iggy, change his diaper, get him dressed, feed him again
have breakfast
oversee the clean up of the other kids' disastrous breakfast shenanigans
get the kids' going on the morning chores they missed
clean the kitchen
put Iggy down for a nap
have "together time" (prayers, chore chart, books, music, and alternating days of science, geology, history, and crafts)
do skill sets (more about that to come)
get Iggy up from his nap
feed Iggy, burp him, change him
get Bogey lunch
help Dev and Calvin make their lunch
put Bogey down for a nap
put Iggy down for a nap
have lunch
(go to the bathroom!!)
finish up skill sets with Dev and Calvin
clean up lunch
clean house
start a load of laundry
help Dev and Calvin do their chores
do projects (like canning, mostly, lately)
Get Bogey up from his nap
help Bogey with chores
start dinner
get Iggy up, feed him, burp him change him, bounce him while I try to
finish making dinner
Kiss the Hubby who's just walked in the door
help Dev and Calvin set the table
eat dinner
bounce Iggy (who's super grumpy this time of day)
Kiss Hubby goodbye (he's got homework to do)
help Dev and Calvin clear the table
send one to shower
clean the kitchen
Give Bogey a bath
help Bogey in jammies
Tell Dev and Calvin to get ready for bed
Help Bogey brush (all the while bouncing Iggy)
have scripture study
say prayers
read a few chapter from our chapter book (if we haven't done it already today)
say goodnight to the oldest three
take Iggy back to my desk
check facebook one handed
bathe Iggy
feed Iggy, burp him, change him into his jammies, and feed him again.
Lay Iggy down in his crib *sweet dreams little man*
get ready for bed
kiss Hubby goodnight if he's home yet
go to bed *phew!* hoping to clear some time to blog tomorrow.

The day's are getting away from me. Even now as I type, I am going back to Iggy's room every few minutes to re-bink him (aka-put his pacifier back into his mouth), and thinking that I shouldn't be blogging, I should be working on my lesson for Young Women's tomorrow. Or writing out my grocery list, since I get to hop over to the store when Hubby gets home tonight. Or planning our Halloween party that we're having on Tuesday. Or folding laundry. Or making dinner. But blogging I am, so all the other stuff can wait.
I have a ton of pictures and blog posts lined up in my mind, waiting to burst out, like a champagne bottle about to explode. I'll get it all out eventually, but right now, it's all building pressure in the bottleneck.

Introducing...

I wish that I could somehow write the 5 minute silence that preceded these words while I sat here thinking of a way to start. I got nothin'.
All I can say is that I had my baby. That's such a short sentence for such a humongous, life changing thing. He's here, and he's beautiful, and we love him dearly, but heaven help me, I am reeling from the change.
My days are filled to the brim with homeschooling, diaper changes, nap times, feedings (my nights are full of feedings, too.), spit up, etc, etc, etc.
Even worse is the prospect that The Hubby is in no position to help. At all.
Two words: Senior Year. While I am happy we're almost done with school, part of me is really wondering what God was thinking by having ALL THIS come all at the same time. I'm being magnified. And it kind of hurts.
But I didn't come here tonight to complain. I hope it doesn't sound like I am complaining. We prayed and cried over and wanted and tried for this little baby longer and harder than the other three combined. We were thrilled when we found out he was on the way. I am very blessed to finally have him here, to have him healthy, to have him in my arms. So forget the far reaching task of adjusting to another family member. I'm just going to rejoice that he is here!

I'm also happy that I am now on the downhill side of recovery. Things may be crazy here, but at least I can say that I know they will level out and get better soon. I am excited, and already have some posts lined up, to just concentrate on homeschooling, and homesteading, and homemaking--the passions in my life.

So, allow me to introduce to you my new baby son, who, for all intents and purposes shall henceforth and forever more be known on this blog as Iggy (the fourth great and wondrous messmaker.) Welcome to the world, Iggy!

(P.S. please excuse me for getting cross with the overly excited brother in this video who wanted his share of screen time.)

Ode to the garden

I was in the midst of typing up a lovely, spiritual post last night about my garden. It was attacked by javelina's last week. Many of the plants were destroyed. We mended the fence, nurtured the plants and it was on its way to a full recovery. I was impressed with my zucchini in particular, which were apparently a favorite of the javelina. Most of the leaves were broken off or trampled, and all the zucchini growing thereon was eaten. Within a few days, my brave zucchini sent out more tender flowers, showing promise of not giving up despite the cruelties they had previously faced. I was totally inspired. Am I like that? When things come along that leave me devastated, how quickly do I take courage and begin again? I'm more of the type of person that licks my wounds first. And I have decided to be more like my zucchini. It's not afraid of anything. Even after being pulled nearly out of the ground, it still decided life was worth living--not just living, thriving.

That's what I was going to write.

But while I was writing, The Hubby said, "Oh, I went out to the garden tonight and the javelina have been in it again." What? no! It was doing so well, and I had great hopes that it would recover! I couldn't wait until morning. We grabbed flashlights and tromped out in the dark of night to survey the damage.

I know it's tacky and cheesy to love my garden so much, but I do. And I wanted to cry when I saw it. Destroyed. I question a recovery this time. Zucchini is completely trampled, as well as the big pumpkin, and the mini pumpkin plant that was threatening to take over my entire garden (as big as it was getting), is gone completely. Gone. Only a few stem nubs are left that, I suppose, were too close to the ground for them to reach. So. sad.

So tonight, humor me as I post lovely "before" pictures of my garden in memorial. Tomorrow, I'm going to take a note from my zucchini: square my shoulders, fix the fence, and go see what deterrents I can get at the store. Maybe there is hope yet for produce this summer. Maybe there's still some time to put out some flowers.

First pumpkin of the season

funny thing about this mini pumpkin plant: we thought it was a cucumber. At least, it was planted in the row with the cucumber. Then one day I realized that it was not a cucumber plant. It looked totally different from the other plants in the row. It put out all these long flowers, but the rest of the cucumber flowers were small petaled. Then this is what started growing there:

see the cute baby pumpkin? It was love at first sight for me. The plant put out so many flowers that I was already dreaming of the pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin stew, pumpkin pancakes, carved pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin!

aren't they cute?

beans in the twilight

one of Dev's favorite chores is to gather the "done peas." (Most of them don't make it back to the house, but that's ok.)

first silk of the corn showing through.

first two tomatoes


The kiss of the sun for pardon,
The song of the birds for mirth,
One is nearer God's heart in a garden
Than anywhere else on earth.
~Dorothy Frances Gurney, "Garden Thoughts"

how to make croutons

I recently had a BBQ with some friends that resulted in a massive excess of hamburger and hot dog buns. You may recall that I HATE to waste anything, but especially food. I'm always looking for a way to repurpose or preserve it so that it doesn't end up in the garbage. With bread, there's always the old fall back: freeze it and use if for the next BBQ. But, this may have been the last BBQ of the season for us, and also, I didn't have that much room in the freezer. So that meant croutons. I started making croutons a few years ago. Have you ever cringed over the cost of croutons? or the nutrition information on the back? I have. They are very expensive, and they aren't that good for you. So I started freezing the heels of my bread in a big bag and when it was full I made croutons with them. These are so easy to make, and my kids eat them for snacks. And, although I have no evidence to support this, I would bet at least a nickel that they are better for you than the store bought ones. Cheaper, too. So, the only problem now is that they are gone too fast.

So here's what I do:
take the excess bread and cut it into small squares with a sharp knife. (a dull knife will squish your bread and you want it fluffy.)
spray a cookie sheet with cooking spray, put the diced bread on top, and spray the bread with cooking spray. (I suppose you could try melted butter, but, for me 1) that would take too long, and 2) your croutons wouldn't be as healthy.) I am pretty liberal with the cooking spray. Coat the bread, and then stir them on the pan to coat even more and spread the bread in a single layer on the pan.
now you get to season it however you want. A lot of that depends on the seasonings I have in my cupboard.
But mincing garlic and sprinkling that on top is a must.
Then I threw on some Italian seasoning.
and a generous dose of Parmesan cheese.

Then bake them in a 250degree to 275 degree oven for about three hours until they are completely dry and crunchy. You don't want the bread to have any moisture in them, or they will mold faster. (You can tell by taste testing...I recommend doing lots of this, because they're good.)

let them cool completely and store them in a zipper baggy in your pantry. Use them in any way you've used croutons...on salads, in soups, as snacks, and when you are hungry.

whoosh

I've been gone. I went to a funeral. It was hard, but good....bitter, but sweet.

I've been busy. The kids are wrapping up all the summer projects and programs they've signed up for. It's been fun, but THANK GOODNESS! they are ending.

I've been pregnant. And there is no getting around that until the end of August. The last month is the hardest. Awkward. Heartburn-y. Sleepless. I'm not going to complain about that here, though. It doesn't do me any good.

I've been tired. I don't remember being this tired in the eighth month of my other pregnancies. I can take two naps a day and still not feel satisfied. Of course, that could have something to do with being too uncomfortable to sleep at night.

I've been gardening. You'll see more posts about that soon.

I've been searching. Got any awesome boy names to share? Time is of the essence here.

I've been playing. it's summer.

I've been reading. Lots of downtime + a new ipod touch + google books app + a night reading feature (that allows me to read in bed at night with the lights off without disturbing the Hubby or hurting my eyes) + not being comfortable enough to sleep = me becoming a more cultured person. (I'm currently reading Les Miserables, and I am thrilled with how captivating it is. I thought it would be slow! Go and read it. I'm only 50 pages in, but I already can't put it down.)

I've been laying low. Time to nest.

I've been teaching. How will this year of homeschooling go? (by the way, we don't do regular school years like public school. I don't see a reason to. But we've been scattered this summer, and I feel ready for a more steady schedule.)

I've been LIVING. and I refuse to feel guilty about not doing the dishes. (I can't really reach the sink anyway. )