I've had a lot of time to think.
I had already started packing--all the books and the pictures and most of the dishes and some of our clothes.
People complain about the headache of packing to move. I know, I'm one of those people, which is why I can say with full confidence that packing to move is not the fullest headache you can have. Unpacking because the dream evaporated is harder. Nothing was placed back in its place without a deep sigh from me. I had to wipe the tears off some things before I could put them away. It was a long process, and it's still not done. There are still boxes in my living room and bedroom that I haven't gotten to.
I spent a good two weeks just feeling sorry for myself. But things are getting better.
I've gotten answers in small drops.
I don't know everything, but I can say with certainty that, much as I loved that house, it was not for us.
God has a different plan in mind.
The important thing for me to remember is that He actually has a plan for me. That means He is aware of me, and of my desires. That's pretty big, right? I can't be sad for very long when I remember that He is in charge and He's moving to bring about His will for my life. When I think about it that way, it's not all that sad.
A lesson I learned through all this:
I've been putting my goals on hold until after I got the house. I realized that I don't have to wait for my dream home to live my life. I can work to accomplish my goals now. Work with what I have. Time to pick up those smashed and rotten lemons on the ground and make something out of them. (It might not be lemonade, but I will make something useful out of them)
So, hard as it might be, I let go of that dream house. And it's alright.
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