Saturday, July 24, 2010
It was beautiful.
Friday, July 23, 2010
I have to admit that I didn't get to my sewing project right away. I spent some time working on my lesson for Sunday School. I took my time getting ready for the day. I laid down and took a 15 minute snoozer. It was wonderful.
I reveled in the silence. I deliberately didn't turn on the TV or the radio (or the playlist, or the ipod, or the computer). I didn't want noise. I wanted the silence. It was a welcome silence.
After an hour alone, I began work on my project. I started thinking about all the things that I've learned since I've been married and become a mother. Lots of things. Too many to list here. I concluded with the thought that, even though I don't know everything, and I am not perfect, I like me. I think I'm a pretty nice person.
After two hours alone in silence, I started remembering how I used to get to sit in silence all the time. Back in the day when I was a young English Major, I had to read an average of 300-400 pages a day to keep up with my classes. I learned to skim. For a few semesters in there, I also worked 39 1/2 hours a week, so I did all my homework for the coming week on the weekend (Friday and Saturday at least, Sunday was for worship). That meant that Friday and Saturday I spent a lot of time at the library. Like 8 hours camped at the same desk, packed a lunch and hunkered down time at the library. That was a lot of silent time. That was a lot of time with just me, inside my head, reading, learning, thinking...finding me. I didn't even know what a gem that was when I had it. What I would give to have those times back....
but then again, as hour two of my silent time today wore on, I started to think how sad it would be if I was still in that stage of life where I only need to focus on me. It sure was fulfilling and wonderful, but empty. I know so much more of myself now. (No doubt my 50 year old self will look back on me now and think the same thing) And I love the little kids in my home who fill my life with splendid craziness. I don't always love the craziness, but I love the kids. I would miss them if I didn't have them. I did miss them when I didn't have them. Another thing when I was in college studying my brains out is that I spent a lot of time dreaming about the time I would have a family. My 20 year old self looked forward to my 30 year old self, just like my 30 year old self looks back at my 20 year old self. That's the circle of life, I guess. Except, not a circle. I see it more like a ladder. I can look forward to some of the things that are hopefully coming in my life...growing kids, grandmotherhood. I can also look down and see where I've been...college, old friends, high school, those hard, hard, learning experiences. I look back for encouragement (I did it then, I can do it now) and I look forward for hope (I have so many good things coming). From where I sit, things look pretty good.
And when the family came home, and the house was once again filled with noise, I felt more grateful for it. I remember a time when I longed for it, I look forward to the day that I will miss it, and I revel in it today.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So I could play a little with these:
And when all was said and done, my house looked like this:
So I got out my handy dandy magic wand, waved it over my head and said the magic words ("ala peanut butter sandwiches!") and it worked!
miracles do happen!
Happy weekend everyone!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Yet, despite all the mind melding techniques employed on me daily, I usually hit this stage of the day feeling happy. It's a happy thing to have children that are tucked into bed, safe and sound, happy, fed, and loved.
It's a happy thing to live in an age of instant messaging. I miss my friends and family intensely (more than I let on). So I am more than a little eager to read the goings-on in their lives every night. Can you imagine the gaping mouths on our pioneer ancestors if they knew how fast our communications would be someday? (pick yer chin up off th' floor, Maude!)
It's easy to get into a rut, and start thinking that things are busy and hard. Indeed, they are busy, and they are hard, but they are also good. That last part is so easy for me to forget. On those nights when the tucked-in little ones come untucked, or thirsty, or whiny, or rambunctious for the ba-zillionth time in one night, it's especially easy for me to get the inside grumblies. It's easy to yell and demand that they get the heck in bed and stay there so I can play the video game in peace, dang it!
But I have a good life. A hard, tiring, busy, but definetely good life. There are things I have gotten very good at, things that need perfecting, and things I'm not even close to perfecting. It's great that I have the opportunity to work on those things. I should be thrilled everyday with the life I am living because it's what I always wanted. It's not perfect, but it's what I want.
ooh! and that just gave me a great idea for tomorrow! oh boy, I can't wait to blog again tomorrow! bye!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
So, sit back and relax. Enjoy this, because they're talking about us again.
Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God