I admit it. I'm pregnant. I don't like to admit it, but it's getting to the point that I can't hide it (actually, we passed that point of no return a long time ago.) I don't know why I seem to think that I can do everything. I've come to realize that when I say to myself, "Oh yeah, I can do that easily" or "That won't take long." It's a kiss of death on my sanity. Things are never done easily, and it always takes a long time.
I don't know why, for some unknown reason, I become so ambitious when I'm pregnant. My pregnancies are a "perfect graveyard of buried hopes" (ha ha! that's for all you Anne of Green Gables fans) I think it's because I am a pretty ambitious person normally. It's not that I am more ambitious when I'm pregnant, just that I am the same ambitious person, with a lot less up and at 'em in me. My goals recently have become 1) to allow myself to not be so ambitious for a little while, and 2) to stop feeling so guilty for not getting things done that I want to do. <---actually, it's not even that I feel guilty, it's that I feel frustrated, because I want to do things and I can't.
Yeah, so I guess goal number 3) would look something like: 3) breath, and allow that this season in your life is going to be slower. And it's ok. (really, it's ok. Really. I have to convince myself of this, you see.) I also have to remind myself that it's only a few more months (in the dead heat of summer, but hey.....), and, most importantly, I wanted this. And I am thrilled to be almost within reach of another baby in my arms. Seriously, we tried for, and cried over, and prayed for this little one more than the others combined. So...I can do this, right? It'll be worth it, right?
I have to convince myself everyday. SO for today, here's my list of BLESSINGS that have come to me from being pregnant, and hot and uncomfortable in the dead heat of summer:
1) I get to take a nap everyday.
2) thank goodness Dev and Calvin seem to grasp that mommy is worn out in the afternoon and have contented themselves with a movie or a wii game every afternoon while I snooze on the couch (as a disclaimer: let me assure you perfect parents that they are NOT usually allowed this privilege everyday, but I figure with this season of life, it'll be ok for a few months, plus we do lots of fun stuff in the morning. Does that make you feel better? me too.)
3) our city has started having free lunch in the park for kids, and the kind lunch ladies there have taken pity on the very hot and pregnant woman who shows up with her kids everyday, and they give me a free lunch, too. So I don't have to get up and do it!
4)Dev and Calvin take turns getting Bogey his cereal in the morning too, so that's two meals I don't have to prepare for the kids (man, I have awesome kids)
5) I've read six novels in the past month--needing to lay down a lot has its advantages.
6) that doesn't include the 4 novels that I've read aloud to the kids this month
7) our kiddie pool survived the winter without any leaks! (it's inflatable) it's up and the slide from the swing set is in there, and the kids are loving it (and so am I).
8) our garden is on a drip system, so I don't have to water it manually everyday, except the peach tree and the raspberries, which,
9) Dev and Calvin take turns watering everyday.
and number 10) I cut some of my maternity pants into shorts today! So I feel cooler already!
15 hours ago